Adrift

[pt_tangles]

I really don't know what the hell I am doing anymore. I had thought I had found a place with this local coven, but I really don't know anymore. From the first moment that Erin got to the forum (the one run by the coven), I have been seeing some things in the members that are real eye openers for me.

A casual mention about blooding one's ritual tools gets a rant from one of the initiates on how distasteful it is to mix your magickal and mundane lives (sorry, but I kinda thought they were one in the same), and how an athame should never ever cut anything even by accident. Daring to speak up about how Wicca really isn't an ancient religion and that the old histories (the ones from the 60s and 70s) have been thoroughly disproven got her banned.

Now, I knew that they were working from history that they gleaned in the seventies, and that perhaps they weren't up on what is common knowledge now, but to attack someone who dares to disagree with you (and its not like Erin was being tenacious, she was just asking what brought about the conclusion that the revisionist history is right ... she was very civil through the whole thing)? This gives me pause.

Is this really a group I want to be involved in when nothing can be questioned? When they feel nothing about being so totally disrespectful to parts of my path that are important to me? When they can so casually throw out someone who dares to have a different opinion?

I told them when I first came back there that the reason I hadn't posted much of anything is because I felt that non-Wiccan ideas were not welcomed. They went to great lengths to convince me that that wasn't so ... I guess actions speak louder than words. Should I expect to be banned for standing up for Erin and asking that they discuss the topic and not berate the poster? Should I expect to find myself shut out now because I have been Pagan for nearly ten years before exploring Wicca?

I can understand and respect that they won't change to suit me. I never expected that ... but now I have to wonder why the respect can't go both ways. I noticed some things at the Midsummer circle that bothered me, but I had been letting a lot of the differences slide (ie, their attitude that other Pagans are just silly, and that Wicca is the only serious path).

And it isn't just this rude awakening. I started reading 'Living Druidry' again, and I am regaining that feeling of finding something very right. However, what was wrong still hasn't changed. I am in the process of rediscovering how nice it is to shop for myself. To wear make-up, to be pretty, and find something of value in society.

I am reclaiming the pink, dammit! I need a break from trying so hard to break away from the fact that I live in a city; that I live in the modern world with modern conveniences. I like being a modern witch. I like the fact that there IS such a thing as Witchie-style clothes. I like that I can have my hair any color that I like. I like that I can walk down the street and get a frappichino and then come home and jump in the heated downstairs pool.

Nature is wonderful and sacred, but the city has value too. I work hard for my money, and I can use that money to make myself feel a little spoiled and pretty, and it doesn't make me less spiritual.

I need a safe haven right now. I don't know what to do ... Jet, you may find me spending some more time in Annwn's Cauldron in the future ... I really need to be around people I know and trust.

--Phae

Comments

[firefly124.livejournal.com]

{{{{{{phae_talon}}}}}}

That does sound like a fairly serious set of problems for a group so close-knit as a coven. No answers here, just support.

[pt_tangles]

Thanks ... I am really not sure if I should write to the site admin or not. I feel I should give him a chance to explain his side, but that won't change the other things. The smug superiority over other Pagans ... the 'our way is the only way' attitude.

Maybe the problem is me, and I just need to get over it. I dunno. I hate situations like this.

--Phae

[gwyddon.livejournal.com]

As a Craft Elder ... Trust me, you don't want or need to be anywhere where you can't question anything. Then again, I'm a Gwyddon. We question everything.

When they can so casually throw out someone who dares to have a different opinion?

If we did that, we'd have no membership. LOL

I can use that money to make myself feel a little spoiled and pretty, and it doesn't make me less spiritual.

Amen to that.

[pt_tangles]

I wrote to the administrator of the site, and besides trying to convince me that it really was all Erin's fault, he made it pretty clear that they had made up their mind before she even posted. He even went so far as to tell me that he wouldn't waste his time explaining Craft lore to a heathen.

I feel more justified in my decision than ever. I am really not interested in getting into something that opperates more like a teenage clique than a group of grown ups.

I am expecting a check in the mail in a couple of days (my refund from the newspaper at long last), and I fully intend to spend it making myself feel pretty ~_^

--Phae

[gwyddon.livejournal.com]

Oh good lord. Yeah. Run. Run fast. Run hard. And don't look back. {{hugs}}

Waste his time???

[treelit.livejournal.com]

Good Lords!!!

I haven't posted much there, I was trying to get a feel for the place, but now I'll join in you in that walk.

Bleah!!

{{{Phae}}} I'm sorry it happened this way. Anything you need, just ask.

Re: Waste his time???

[pt_tangles]

Thanks ... I doubt it is over yet. One of the other initiates (a friend of Erin's) wants me to write to her about what I thought was wrong with the coven so that she can take it to the HPS. So, now I get to be dragged into the middle of something that is going to get MUCH bigger than it needs to. Bleh. I just want to crawl under a rock.

--Phae

[treelit.livejournal.com]

Don't let yourself get dragged in. Give the list with firm instructions that your input, and role in this ordeal ends here and now. You don't want to fix the coven, nor are you resposible for trying to. You found it lacking, and that is why you are leaving before making a larger commitment.

I can understand them needing/wanting to know what members think, and what prompts people to leave, but you don't have to stoop to their High school drama queen prancing around.

{{{Phae}}}

If you need to, drop me an e-mail {treelit23 @ yahoo . com}

[pt_tangles]

Thanks ^_^

--Phae